Alcohol and Technology – Not a Good Cocktail

Drunken stupors. The ancient tradition of getting so hammered that you have no idea what is happening to yourself or to the people around you or most importantly to the person to are about to or already have inflicted some serious emotional atyachaar on. We have all done this at some point of times in our lives, got so sloshed and done the one thing that is worse than a tequlla and old monk shot- DRUNK DIALED OR TEXTED THE CURRENT OR EX GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND. Now mostly, its sweet nothings or even a bootycall which if played correctly makes the morning after not so difficult to deal with. But if it’s the other side of the spectrum i.e the ex/current has been sent the bitching text of a lifetime which does not have even the slightest sprinkle of happy thoughts, the morning after can be described in two words- HUNGOVER AND EMBARRASED.
Before the invention of the device that we all take for granted now- the mobile phone, am pretty sure drunken stupidity was easier to handle. Forget that, even before texting was made cheap or alcohol dialing was legal, all you could do was lie in your bed in misery or you know, cry yourself to sleep or something or if you were really really rich- get Nestor the butler to do the sobbing for you. Now since its so freaking easy to send severely self damaging words in less than 50 paise, thinking of an excuse of why you did that the next morning can be turned into a seriously profitable money making business. Not kidding, seriously.
So now getting to the cause of this post- my drunk text. It was not a happy one and I am not even going to get into the details of it, but I so wish my battery was so godamn dead so that I could have saved myself from the evil eye of embarrassment. This is where technology has to change and here’s what I propose.
1.Service providers should have drunk SMS packs in which certain numbers are blocked. And even if they cant be blocked, should zap you everytime you enter the number that you are supposed to STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM.
2.As soon as you enter a place, a signal jammer should immediately put phones in offline mode. That does mean that you cant invite any more people to the party, but then again- lesser the better. Not many people should be watching (coz they are definitely not listening to it!) your rendition of Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance anyway.
3.An app that keeps reminding you that you are a moron for your previous drunk dial everytime you look at your phone.
4.An app that instantly gives you pictures of maggots, dead chickens or something really gross so that you puke out all your daaru, get sober and go home.
5.Major brain shaking wake up from the dead “keeeeeeeeeeeeee” shrill sound the minute you touch your phone. It’ll scare you, maybe even make you pee in your pants a little bit, but lets think of the bigger picture here.
Till the time all of the above are put into action, you will just have to live with either switching your phone off or give it to the next best sober person in the group. So in the end, technology and alcohol is not a good cocktail at all. And if at all you still manage to go through the tunnel of the drunk texting and dialing, you better have a great excuse or a peace offering on the other side! And if still nothing works, denial is the key.